How could I be so Stupid
by XxStephXx
Summary: James and Lily are married, Lily finds out she's pregnant the same day she sees James kissing his assistant. Can she ever forgive? Of course she can, he didn't do anything
1. Chapter 1

Betrayal 

Lily and James have been married for a year, James is an Auror and Lily is in charge of Auror training

Lily had gotten off work early, so she was going to see James to see if he wanted go out and have dinner, because Lily had big news.

"Hey Lils what are you doing down here" asked Sirius Black, James' best friend

"Oh I came to see James" she beamed, "I've got big news. I'm gonna burst if I don't tell him soon"

"What is it?"

"I'm pregnant"

"Oh my god congratulations" said Sirius hugging Lily.

"Thanks, it wasn't planned, we were going to wait a few years until we had settled into our careers. But I did the test and I'm pregnant," said Lily excitedly

"Wow so how far along are you?"

"Not long about 3 weeks"

"Oh wow I'm so happy for you both" said Sirius then he added in a mock serious tone, "wait who's going to be godfather?"

"Like you even have to ask" smirked Lily, "you of course"

"Just checking"

"Come on" laughed Lily, "lets go and tell my husband"

"Don't you want to tell him alone"

"Come on, I know you're dying to see his face when I tell him" said Lily

"You really don't mind?"

"No I knew when I married him that you two come as a set," said Lily

"Well this looks cosy," said Remus Lupin, James' other best friend as he came out of his office.

"Lily's pregnant," said Sirius excitedly

"What?" said Remus shocked, "are you?"

Lily nodded her head, "Yeah, now come on you two before Sirius tell everyone, I still have to tell James"

Remus and Sirius followed Lily towards James' office. Lily opened the door and froze. Sirius and Remus looked into the office and saw what she saw. **James was kissing his assistant. **James suddenly became aware that they were not alone and he jumped up.

"You bastard" whispered Lily who could actually feel her hear break in two.

"Lily, this isn't what you..." said James frantically

"Isn't it, what else could it be?" said Lily calmly, even though her eyes were filling up then she apparated away.

James just stared at where Lily had been,

'_What have I done I should go after her'_

"I'll go after her," said Remus

"No I'll go" said Sirius staring at James in revulsion, "if I stay here I don't know what I'll do"

When Sirius apparated away James sank into the nearest seat and put his head in his hands.

"awww baby it's alright, now we can have some real fun" said James' assistant, Louise as she put her hand on his arms

"Fuck off. I may have just lost my wife because of you" said James jerking his arm away

"So" pouted Louise

"I love her," said James

"You kissed me though"

"No, correction you threw yourself at me, I didn't..."

"Shut the fuck up," shouted Remus, "James in case you've forgotten your pregnant wife just left here heartbroken and you're standing there arguing with this whore"

"I know I..." said James, "My WHAT, she's pregnant, I'm going to be a daddy"

"She's pregnant, but I don't know about anything else," said Remus

James nodded and apparated away, Remus followed him.

They apparated into James and Lily's kitchen, Lily was rushing about, putting things into a large bag on the kitchen table.

"Lils, calm down please," pleaded Sirius

"Calm down" raged Lily throwing some clothes into the bag, "I just caught my husband getting a lapdance from a fucking Barbie doll"

Lily now threw open one of the cupboards.

"Lily, honey come on lets talk I can explain, I know you're angry" said James

At hearing James' voice, Lily spun round Livid.

"Angry" she shouted, "I'm past angry" she took her wand and pointed it right at James' crotch, "if you want to keep your most prized assets I suggest you shut up and fuck off cause I swear I'll..."

Lily trailed off and turned back to the cupboards, she grabbed a bottle of 'Firewhiskey' and took a large swig of it.

"Lily no" gasped Sirius

"The baby" shouted James

"You told him," Lily snarled at Remus.

Remus looked down at the ground and nodded looking thoroughly ashamed.

"Well none of you have to worry about my baby. It repulses me to be in the same room as my fucking piece of shit husband, the idea of part of him growing inside makes me want to rip my stomach out" said Lily, "I'm getting an abortion"

Remus gasped but Sirius and James just looked confused,

"You took muggle studies Remus you explain it to them. I'm outta here" said Lily before picking up her bag, she removed her rings and threw them at James and then apparated.

"Moony, what is an aborton?" asked Sirius

James picked up Lily's rings and just stared at them, "What is she going to do?" he asked

"Divorce you" said Sirius

James nodded sadly and sank down in a chair and started to cry, "I've lost her. How could I be so stupid? I've lost the love of my life, she's the only one for me. And our baby I love her so much. She hates me you heard her" he said in between sobs.

"Shut up. If she's serious there isn't going to be a baby" said Remus raising his voice.

"Wh-what do you mean, she's pregnant. Do you think she was lying?" asked Sirius

"Don't be so bloody stupid, she wouldn't" said James, "She's honest, kind, generous, she's perfect"

"Pity you didn't think that earlier" muttered Sirius

"Will both of you listen please. An abortion is a muggle procedure that terminates a preganancy" said Remus.

"Wh-what you can't end a pregnancy" said James

"Yeah you can I read about it." Said Sirius quietly, "she's going to kill your baby"

"Wh-what? No she can't I won't let her" said James who was now terrified

"You don't have any right to make her do anything" roared Sirius, "After what you did to her. When I came after her she was collapsed on the floor in tears. If you weren't my best friend that I've known all my life I swear I'd beat you to within an inch of your life. I'm tempted to anyway, believe me I'm tempted"

Siri" said James who was clearly devastated, "please I know, I know I'm a bastard who deserved everything I get but I've just lost the love of my and possible my baby please I need my best friend"

"Fine" snapped Sirius, "I'll help but only because I know Lily will regret it if she kills that baby"

"Stop saying kill" said Remus, "don't make her sound like a murderer"

"Okay" said Sirius, "So what do we do?"

"Well there's only one clinic that will perform a magical abortion and the earliest time will be Monday at 9am. So just give her the weekend and we'll go to the clinic on Monday" said Remus

James just nodded numbly.


	2. Abortion or not

**Abortion or not**

James, Sirius and Remus had been waiting outside the abortion clinic, for an hour until they saw Lily.

It almost broke James' heart to see Lily, he could see the dark circles under her eyes, matching his, neither of them had slept in 3 nights. He could see her tear stained face, she had tried to cover it with make up.

'_She's been crying I made her cry. She's still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen'_ thought James

Lily scowled as soon as she saw them and then she tried to ignore them and go into the clinic.

"Lily" said Sirius touching her wrist

"Let go of me," she said

"Lily don't do it," said Remus, "You need to think about it. Once it's done there's no going back"

"Don't you think I know that" said Lily emotionally, "and I have thought about it, it's all I've thought about"

"You're emotional. Your marriage is going through a rough patch" said Sirius, "you're not thinking straight"

"My marriage isn't going through a rough patch. **MY MARRIAGE IS OVER**" shouted Lily

"Don't please I'm begging you. I'm so sorry I love you so much. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you" said James emotionally finally speaking up.

"Go to hell James,I don't want you anywhere near me from now on. And as for _our _baby, it'll be gone within the hour and I can't wait" said Lily viciously

"Is there a problem?" said a nurse coming out of the clinic

"No, I think we're finished here," said Lily "I have an appointment"

"Oh right and your name is?" asked the nurse

Lily looked James straight in the eye and said, "Miss Evans"

An hour later Lily came out of the clinic with tears streaming down her face.

"Oh Lils" said Sirus, "Wh I can't..."

"She didn't do it," said James staring at Lily

"How do you..." said Sirius," Did you?"

"No" said Lily shaking her head miserably, "I couldn't do it"

"Oh sweetheart, thank you so much," said James stepping towards Lily

"NO stay the hell away from me, the sight of you makes me want to vomit" said Lily

"B-but we're having a baby," said James

"No **_I'm _**having a baby," said Lily

"But"

"Here" shouted Lily holding up a sonogram "take a good look because it is the only time you will ever get to see **_MY_** baby"

"Sweetheart"

"Don't call me that. I filed for divorce this morning, expect the papers in 10 to 12 working days" said Lily coldly before she apparated away.

* * *

What did you all think PLZ R&R 


	3. Sign the papers

**Sign the paper**

Lily had gone to France for 2 months, after going to the clinic, to clear her head.

It was now her first day back at work, and of course she was organising a spot check on the Aurors and of course James was on her list.

'_Okay come on Lily, you can do this, just walk in get him to sign the divorce papers, tell him the time of his spot check and leave' _thought Lily, she had locked herself in her office for the past hour, preparing herself to see James.

'_You can do it, don't let him or that bitch see how weak you are'_ Lily put her hand on the tiny bump that was growing on her stomach. _'I have to be strong, not just for me but for our baby, no wait MY baby, only mine'_ Lily was mad at herself for even thinking the way she had done when she first found out she was pregnant. Then a little voice creeped into her head. _It's still his baby, doesn't matter how much I fight it, it will always be James' baby and it doesn't matter how much I deny it I still love him, just as much as I did on our wedding day, even if I don't want to'_

"Lily, Lily, open the door" a male voice shouted through the door as they pounded on it.

Lily sighed and got up; she should have known she couldn't be alone for long. She got up and opened the door.

"Why didn't you tell me you were back? In fact why didn't you tell me you were going?"

"Sorry Siri, I just… had to get away. I didn't tell anyone… I didn't even know where I was going," said Lily closing the door behind Sirius.

"It's okay…sorry I uh we were worried about you. We didn't know if you were going to …"

"Do something stupid" finished Lily.

"Yeah"

"You don't need to worry about me. I'm alright really."

"No you're not Lily. But you are looking better."

"Thanks I do feel better."

"And how's the baby?" asked Sirius eying her stomach

"Giving me a hell of a lot morning sickness"

"Good, so is that normal … I mean there isn't anything wrong?"

"No, we're both perfectly healthy"

"Good, look Lils I want you to know that … I mean I know James is my best friend but what he did … I want you to know that I think of you as…" rambled Sirius.

"Siri, stop I think I know what you're saying and you've become a great friend of mine and you still are no matter what is going on with me and James and I hope you'll still want to be a godfather"

"You still want me to be godfather?"

"Yeah of course I do"

"I'd love to," said Sirius hugging Lily, "I'll be here for you and the baby I promise"

"I know you will and thanks," said Lily pulling away.

"Have you seen…"

"I'm just about to"

"Good luck. He won't sign those papers without a fight. He loves you"

"No he doesn't, if he did he wouldn't have been with Louise" said Lily.

Sirius couldn't think of a reply, all he could do was watch as Lily picked up the papers and left the room.

Lily walked along the corridors and soon found herself standing outside James' office.

"Mr Potter is doing paperwork at the moment and doesn't want to be disturbed" said Louise from behind Lily.

"I won't be long," said Lily turning round to face her.

At first Louise seemed shocked to see Lily but she quickly recovered.

"I'm sorry he really did insist that he not be disturbed" smiled Louise

"I don't give a flying fuck what he wants," said Lily with a dangerous glint in her eye. Then she turned and opened the door to James' office.

James was sitting at his desk attempting to fill out paperwork, but his mind was so preoccupied with Lily that he kept making mistakes. He looked terrible as if he hadn't slept in weeks, (which he hadn't), he'd lost a lot of weight, he'd lost his appetite when Lily left. His clothes even looked scruffier, his eyes had lost their sparkle. He was a shadow of himself without Lily.

"I'm sorry Jamie, but she barged past me baby" said Louise.

James looked up repulsed by her words.

"Don't" he started angrily then his whole face lit up when he saw Lily, "Louise get out"

"But" she said

"NOW" roared James

Louise left the room and flounced to her desk.

"Lily, sweetheart you're back, come in sit down" he said gently

"No thanks" said Lily coldly "this isn't a social call" she threw the papers onto James' desk.

James looked at them and saw what they were but said nothing.

"Sign the paper" said Lily emotionlessly.

"No"

"What?" growled Lily "sign the fucking papers"

"No"

"Oh come on James don't be a selfish bastard all you life, sign the papers so I can get on with my life"

"No"

"WHY THE HELL NOT"

"I love you, you're carrying our child, I love you, I want you back and I love our baby," said James emotionally

"You don't love me and **_I'm_** having **_MY_** baby, you're having nothing to do with either of us"

"I do love you Lily, please believe me. I love you so much it hurts. I'm nothing without you, I'm lost" said James feeling as if he was about to cry.

"I've heard it all before and this time I know that it is all bullshit. Now SIGN THE FUCKING PAPERS," screamed Lily then all of a sudden she felt a little dizzy.

James seeing her go pale and sway slightly jumped up and was instantly by her side.

"Sweetheart, don't get worked up, it's not good for you or the baby, come on sit down." He said easing her into a chair.

"Don't touch me," she said angrily yanking her arm away from him.

"I'm just trying to help. It can't be good for the baby, you getting upset"

"And who's fault is that?"

"mine I know but please hear me out"

"No"

"Lily, calm down, don't get yourself worked up"

"Then you sign the papers and I'll be fine"

"I can't" sighed James "I would do anything for you, just not that I can't"

"YOU SELFISH BASTARD"

"Sit down and calm down"

"Don't tell me what to do. You can't do one thing for me. If you ever felt anything for me you would sign the papers"

"I can't, I can't then it would be over"

"It's already over, it was over as soon as you dropped your trousers"

"Lily, I never slept with her"

"Well I didn't think you did get much sleep"

"It was just a kiss, just one little kiss"

"Like I'm supposed to believe a single word that comes out of your mouth"

"It's the truth I swear"

"FORSAKING ALL OTHERS that's what we promised, not forsaking all others except for kissing whores"

Just then Sirius and Remus burst into the office after hearing Lily shout.

"Is everything alright? Lily, are you okay?" asked Sirius

"No this piece of shit won't fucking sign the fucking papers, he seems determined to prolong my misery" said Lily

"Come on, Lily calm down," said Remus putting his arm around Lily and leading her out, "We'll go and get some hot chocolate"

"WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? SHE'S PREGNANT AND YOU GET HER INTO THAT STATE." Yelled Sirius once Remus and Lily were gone.

"I didn't mean to," said James quietly as he stared at the spot where Lily had been, "she hates me"

"Yeah. Did you tell her what actually happened?"

James shook his head

"Why the hell not?"

"She wouldn't believe …doesn't matter anyway. I still … there's no excuse"

* * *

What did you all think plz Review 


	4. It's a start

**It's a start**

"Do you think she's really not going to let James be part of the baby's life?" Remus asked Sirius

"I dunno, but I sure as hell want to know," replied Sirius

"That makes two of us," said James miserably as he came into Sirius' office carrying his invisibility cloak, "here you wanted to borrow this."

"Yeah, thanks," said Sirius, "have you seen her today?"

James nodded.

"Still won't sign?" said Remus.

James shook his head, "I can't, I can't just sign her away with a flick of my quill, I just can't do it."

"Uh she's coming, quick James under the cloak" said Sirius.

Before James could ask why, Sirius had thrown the cloak over him and pushed him under the desk.

"Hey, Lils," said Sirius pleasantly, "we were just talking about you."

"Oh, saying good things I hope," said Lily.

"Actually we were talking about the baby," said Remus.

"I am not calling them Sirius Junior"

"Awww come on, why not?" whined Sirius.

"Actually we were wondering about … James" said Remus carefully

"What about him?"

"You're not really going to keep him from the baby, are you?" asked Sirius.

"Do you really think I could? James has wanted to be a father for so long. I'd actually physically have to drag him away"

"So…so…you're not…" stuttered Sirius

"No, I'm not a child needs both parents and James will be a great dad"

"Whoa, I'm confused," said Sirius

"Why?" asked Lily

"Y-you said … we thought"

"I know but I don't want to deprive my baby of its father and no matter what, he's the father and I can't ever change that"

"Oh, okay, so… why?"

"Dunno, to hurt him, make him suffer" said Lily, "anyway, Siri you said you wanted to see a picture, so here." Lily handed Sirius a sonogram picture.

"There's two here" said Sirius

"The other one is for James, under the desk" said Lily, "Did you really think I wouldn't know you were there, even under that damn cloak?"

James stood up and took off the cloak,

"Sorry, I…" said James

"Whatever. Are you going to sign the papers?"

"No"

"Come on, I already said…"

"I know and thank you so much you have no idea how much it means to me. But I'm not giving up on you."

"Don't push it. Learn to know when you're fighting a losing battle" said Lily then she turned and left.

James watched her go and then turned to Remus and Sirius.

"Did you hear that? Maybe it's not hopeless after all. I'm going to be a dad" he said excitedly, "Gimmie the picture of MY baby"

Sirius handed James the sonogram picture, amused by the expression on James' face.

"Wow look, a little person, my baby. Lily's baby, it's beautiful, our baby" said James.

"Yeah, whatever, just don't stuff it up or I might not be so forgiving," said Sirius

"I won't. I'm going to make it up to her" said James

"Don't get your hopes up, she's still…" said Remus.

"I know, but it's a start it's definitely a start" said James still staring at the picture.


	5. Attacked

_**ATTACKED**_

"James, James" said Sirius frantically rushing into James' office.

"What? I'm here, calm down" said James calmly appearing from behind the door.

"Come...Quick...Deatheaters...Attack...Lily"

James' heart stopped, "What? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?"

"She was walking home...they...I just heard"

"Is she..." James couldn't bring himself to say dead

"alive, yeah they took her to St Mungo's"

"Come on then, let's go" said James grabbing Sirius and apparating.

* * *

"Lily, Lily Potter. Where is she?" asked James frantically to the nurse behind the front desk.

"Potter, Potter" she said lazily as she looked up her register.

"She could be using the name Lily Evans" said Sirius.

"Come on, where is she?" asked James impatiently.

"... and you would be?" said the nurse.

"I'm her husband. NOW WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?"

"Department 4, Room 647, 4th floor"

As soon as he heard this, James took off, tearing through the hospital. Sirius sprinted after him.

"Excuse me, where are you going?" asked a stern nurse, standing in front of James as he reached Lily's department.

"L-lily P-potter, m-my wife. Is she alright? What about the baby?" panted James.

"Oh Mrs Potter, she is still unconscious at the moment, but should make a full recovery, she is very fortunate" said the nurse.

"... and the baby?" asked James terrified of the answer.

"... is fine. It seems your wife put up quite a fight and managed to land on her back, protecting the baby"

"So...they're both going to be alright?" said Sirius

"Yes. It really is a miracle that both of them survived"

"Can I see her" pleaded James, desperate to see Lily just to make sure for himself that she was alright.

"Yes, room 647, just down the hall." said the nurse.

James ran down the hall, closely followed by Sirius, James stopped and stood outside Lily's door.

"You goin' in or not?" said Sirius.

"W-what if she doesn't want to see me?" James said worriedly.

"Well, how do you think she'd feel if she wakes up all alone. Now go on." said Sirius practically pushing him into the room.

It broke James' heart a little to see Lily lying on the hospital bed looking so pale and small and helpless.

"Oh, sweetheart, whats happened to you? I'm sorry, this is all my fault. I should have been there to protect you" said James feeling a lump rising in his throat.

He sat down on the chair next to her bed, to wait for Lily to wake up.

* * *

3 HOURS LATER

James had spent the past 3 hours just watching Lily. Then her eyelashes started to flutter.

"J-James" she whispered weakly.

"I'm here, it's okay, I'm here" he said taking one of her hands in his.

"W-what happ..."

"Deatheaters...they...they attacked you"

"Our baby... what about..."

"It's fine, perfectly healthy"

"You sure?" said Lily afraid to hope, just in case.

"Yes, look they took another scan picture, everything is fine" said James holding up the scan picture so that Lily could see it.

"Thank God. I was so scared"

"I know, but it's okay. How are you feeling?"

"I-I'm okay. My head hurts like hell though. Make it better" she said starting to feel a little stronger.

"Okay I'll get a healer to fetch you a potion" said James getting up.

"No, the way you used to"

"Are you sure?" asked James

"uh huh"

"Okay," said James then he bent down and kissed Lily softly on the forehead and stroked her hair, "you feel better?"

"Uh huh"

"Good, do you need anything else?"

"Why?" asked Lily alarmed, "Are you leaving?"

"No, no don't worry I'll stay as long as you want me to" said James squeezing her hand.

"Y-you don't have to... if you have plans"

"No, I want to stay"

"Okay" said Lily then she paused and asked, "How long was I..."

"Just over 3 hours"

"Oh. What, uh What happened to me?"

"We, uh don't know yet, Sirius is on it."

"Do you know why?"

"Uh nothing specific."

"Because I'm a muggleborn"

"Probably"

"But...I'm okay"

"Yeah, you'll be fine, but you have to stay here for a few days for observation"

"Okay" she said quietly.

"I'll see to getting you a guard, and get the protection charm team up here." said James

"Is that necessary?"

"I think so, I don't want to risk anything to happen to you or the baby"

"Alright" said Lily wearily.

"You should get some rest"

"I'm fine, I've just slept for 3 hours"

"No, some proper sleep"

"I don't think I'll be able to sleep"

"You don't have to worry I'll get on to the protection team, right now if you want me to"

"Uh Yeah that would make me feel better"

"Okay, I'll go and do it now. Are you sure you'll be alright while I'm gone"

"I'll be fine"

"Okay I won't be long"

Lily watched as James left the room. She then let her mind drift back to the attack.

_FLASH BACK_

_"What do you want?" asked Lily her voice shaking in terror._

_"Well, what do you think we want?" said one of the deatheaters from behind their masks._

_"You can't have my baby I won't let you"_

_"You don't have a choice, we always get what we want, although Potter's baby that would be fun" said one of other deatheaters, this time Lily recognized their voice._

_"Peter, you're a deatheaters"_

_"That's right Lily" said a deatheater that Lily recognizes as Lucius Malfoy._

_"Malfoy, I'm not even surprised" said Lily venomously._

_Malfoy took a step towards Lily, she automatically took a step backwards, walking into another deatheater, she was surrounded_

_"STAY AWAY. YOU CAN'T HAVE MY BABY" screamed Lily_

_"We can have anything we want. You, in fact, you've kept your looks quite well" said Malfoy running his cold pale finger down her cheek._

_Lily flinched at his touch, "Stay the hell away from me. I wouldn't go near you if you were the last piece of scum on earth" spat Lily._

_"Oh isn't that sweet, still loyal to Potter even after..."_

_"How do you know about that?" interupted Lily._

_"It was very amusing to see you break down like and Potter I've never liked him" said Malfoy viciously._

_"It was easy placing James under the Imperial curse, oh he fought it for about half an hour, but eventually I got the better of him." bragged Peter._

_"Although you ruined out fun, you weren't supposed to walk in until they started screwing, that would have been much more amusing" said Malfoy._

_"You bastards" whispered Lily._

_"Alright enough, kill the mudblood, the Aurors will be on their way" ordered Rookwood._

_"So sorry to have to cut this reunion short Evans, I was hoping to have some more fun with you, but oh well" said Malfoy then he raised his wand, "Avada Kevadra"_

_Lily saw a flash of green light, she was frozen in terror. Then suddenly a blue forcefield emitted from her stomach, sheilding her from the curse. She was thrown off her feet onto her back, just then the Auror's arrived, shooting curses and Lily blacked out._

_PRESENT_

James came back into Lily's room and found her lost in thought.

"Hey, the protection team will be here in an hour and I said I'd take the first guard shift" he said.

"Okay" said Lily distantly.

"Are you okay?"

"Uh huh, I was just thinking. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course anything"

"Have you seen Peter lately... alone I mean?"

"Uh yeah, a few weeks ago... in fact the day I ... you. Why?"

"Nothing, I just remembered some stuff from the attacks"

"Like what?"

"Oh just little snippets" said Lily, then added to herself. _'the fact that our baby has a hell of a lot of power it shouldn't have yet'_ "Just be careful around Peter, okay. I-I just don't trust him, I uh think he might be involved with **them**"

"What, Peter no way"

"James, just promise me, you'll be careful, don't meet him alone"

"Lily"

"Please, just promise me"

"Okay, okay I promise. Calm down, don't get worked up"

"Okay, maybe I should get some sleep"

"Okay I'll be here when you wake up"

Lily shut her eyes and pretended to be asleep. She couldn't get her head straight, Peter a deatheater, doing what they did to James, her baby having such powers, and James her James, her husband her one true love, and the possiblility that he was who she thought he was.


	6. Uncertainess and a hug

_**Uncertainness and a hug**_

It had been a week since Lily had been attacked, she hadn't told James about the baby's powers or what she suspected Peter had done to him. She was being released from hospital.

"No I'm not doing it" Lily shouted.

"Calm down" said James, worried about how worked up she was getting.

"Will you stop telling me what to do and just let me go home." she shouted

"That is where I want you to go, home"

"I don't live there anymore"

James could understand why she was reacting this way, he had suggested that she go back their house to stay.

"You could, it's your house too, I want you to have it, for you and the baby" said James.

"I don't want it" snapped Lily.

_'Just like she doesn't want me'_ thought James miserably.

"C'mon Lily be sensible, after what happened, you won't be allowed to go home. Do you want to go to some safehouse, or somewhere familar, where you feel comfortable. Come on you know it makes sense" said Sirius wisely.

"I won't even stay there, if you don't want me to" said James.

"No, no you're right I guess it does make sense, and you shouldn't have to leave your home" said Lily.

"It's fine" said James then he muttered, "it should have been me that left in the first place"

"Well I suppose this will save someone having to do the night watch, since there will be an Auror living in the house" said Sirius brightly.

"So... you'll do it" James asked Lily.

"Yes. But just for a few days" said Lily sternly.

"Fine, whatever you want" said James.

**THE NEXT MORNING**

"You okay Liy. I heard you up in the middle of the night" said James as he, Lily and Sirius sat round the breakfast table.

"Uh yeah. I had a nightmare and couldn't sleep" said Lily uncomfortably

James suddenly had a overwhelming urge to wrap his arms around Lily and tell her that she needn't be afraid of anything cause he would never let anything happen to her. In fact he thought, he should have been there when she woke up from her nightmare to make her feel better and safe. She shouldn't have been left to wander in the big house all alone in the dead of night scared. Just thinking broke his heart, because he knew he would never get to hold again or make her feel safe or...anything. He could feel a lump rising in his throat.

Sirius then suddenly noticed how this had affected James.

"uh Prongs, can I talk to you for a sec" said Sirius practically dragging James from the room.

"You okay" he asked.

"No, no I'm not okay, my wife is in there, scared. She was attacked, she could have lost our child and I can't even so much as hug her" said James, angrily even though his eyes were filling up with tears.

"James" said Lily quietly from behind.

"Uh yeah, I'll be in, in a minute" said James wiping his eyes, not wanting Lily to see him like that.

"I uh have to go to work" said Sirius before apparating.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?" said James turning to Lily.

"Uh no I'm fine" said Lily quietly, "it's just... the baby is feeling a little lonely"

"The baby" said James slowly.

"Uh huh, I think it could use a hug"

"Okay what about mummy?"

Lily didn't answer she just bit her bottom lip.

"Get over here" said James kindly, his arms outstretched, ready to embrace Lily.

Lily went over to James, melting into his arms, she couldn't help but feel so safe there, as if nothing bad could ever happen as long as she had him. She began to think about what Peter had said to her about James being under the Imperial curse, when he had kissed Louise, (she was the minister of Magic's neice and James couldn't fire her and she had refused to be transferred), she knew she should tell him but the memory of seeing them kiss was still too fresh and hurtful in her memory.

"Does the baby feel better now?" said James pulling away.

"Yeah thanks" said Lily.

"Anytime. I mean it, sweetheart, anytime, anything you want"

"Thank you, James"

"I love you Lily, I love you so much"

"James, don't please, I can't" said Lily taking a step back

"I'm sorry, I never meant to..."

"Come on or we'll both be late for work" said Lily suddenly acting as if nothing had happened.

"Y-you're going back to work"

"Gotta go back sometime"

"Okay, but you be careful and come and get me if you need me" said James.

_' I need you now, I've always needed you, I always will need you. I love you, I just can't think straight now, but I do love you. We will get through this somehow, cause I don't think I can life without you, exist yes, but not live'_ thought Lily.


	7. He signs

_**He Signs**_

That night Lily woke up after having another nightmare. She crept into James' room and crawled into bed with him.

He was sleeping on the opposite side of the bed, she wanted to snuggle up close to him, to be near him. She shifted closer to him and he moved further away, she scooted closer again and again he moved away.

"You're going to fall off soon" she whispered, unsure of whether he was awake or not.

"I thought you were sleepwalking again" he said quietly.

"I'm not, I'm wide awake"

"Did you have another nightmare?" he asked turning to face her.

"uh huh. Please don't pull away" she said lying closer to him.

"You sure?"

"Uh huh" said Lily snuggling into his chest.

James certainly wasn't going to put up a fight he had ached to feel her against him for so long, and now that she was finally there he was going to treasure every second she was with him, even if it was only for one night. But eventually James fell asleep.

* * *

When James woke up the next morning, Lily had already gone to work, which wasn't unusual she always went into work early. He got up and went down to the kitchen and got a shock when he saw his _mother-in-law_.

"Laura, hi, how are you?" said James pleasantly fully aware that she had always hated him.

"Not that great James. Why won't you divorce my daughter?" said Mrs Evans.

James almost choked on his coffee, he hadn't expected her to be so blunt.

"I uh think thats between me and Lily" said James.

"Well, I don't. Don't you think you've destroyed her life enough, just let her be"

"I can't do that. I love her. She's carrying my baby" said James.

"Yes, well that may not be an issue for much longer, she's barely 3 months gone, still plently of time for her to get her life back. All you have to do is sign the papers. I'll do the rest'

"Y-you can't. She-she wouldn't" said James terrified at the thought.

"With some gentle persuasion I think she will"

"You evil..." started James,

"You don't know. You have no idea what you did to her do you?" said Lily's mother viciously.

James stayed silent.

"She was devastated. I had to put my baby girl back together, you broke her, shattered her into tiny pieces. She cried her heart out for 3 days, she wouldn't eat or sleep, she just sobbed in the dark. Do the right thing and let her go" said Mrs Evans putting the divorce papers onto the table in front of James.

"Where did you...Did Lily?"

"No, I took them from her bag, when I went to visit her in hospital. Now sign them" she ordered.

"No, I can't I love her"

"If you love her, you'll want her to be happy"

"Of course I do"

"Then sign"

"No I can't, I won't"

"You know the night she saw _you _with _that other woman_, I had to talk her down from the roof, she was up there in the freezing cold, sobbing, ready to jump, ready to end her life"

James felt his eyes fill up just at the thought of that and how distraught Lily would have to be to even think about that.

"Let her go, set her free. Do you want to drag her down to that again and the baby as well" continued Mrs Evans.

James couldn't think, he was still in shock that Lily had wanted to kill herself, all because of him and how much, he had hurt her.

"Do the right thing, if you love her, you'll save her" urged Mrs Evans.

James picked up the pen and quickly scrawled his name on the papers.

Mrs Evans picked up the documents and rolled them up and gave them to the owl waiting at the window, and then she left without saying a word.

As soon as James heard her leave, he broke down and started sobbing like a little boy.

* * *

Lily was sitting at her desk, supposed to be working, but she was too distracted by thoughts of James.

_'It felt so nice to be waking up next to him again, he always made me feel so safe, so loved, so special. If I talked to Louise, maybe slip her a truth potion I could find out for sure. But the strange thing is I don't think I need to, I should have trusted him. I trust him now' _thought Lily, then she put her hand on her tiny bump.

"What do you say little one, should we give Daddy another chance? Yeah I think we will. We'll also have to tell him about your 'Special abilities'. You're definitely you're Daddy's child you saved me, protected me, saved our marriage, cause if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have even come back from France" said Lily out loud.

The she spotted an owl flapping at her window, she let it and and read the document it had.

* * *

Oooooooooo Cliffhanger I love it

Plz R&R thnx

XxStephxX


	8. Why did you do it?

**Why did you do it?**

Lily sneaked into the house late that night, she went upstairs to the guest room where she was sleeping and packed her stuff. She had spent almost the whole day, crying. She couldn't believe he had signed the papers, right when she decided she wanted him back. She still hadn't signed the papers, she couldn't bring herself to do it. She didn't have to tell James that, is he didn't want her, he didn't have to know that she couldn't let go.

Lily took her bag downstairs.

_'should I leave a note. Would he even worry? Of course he will, I'm carrying his baby'_

Lily went into the living room to find a pen. She found James asleep on the couch. She knelt down to his level.

"Why'd you do it? I love you and just when I... you have to do that. I... I can't stay I'm going to my mum's, I have to... I'll let you know about the baby. Bye" said Lily then she stood up tears streaming down her face, she turned to look for a pen.

"Don't go" said James groggily

"I'm sorry, I'm going to my parents. I'll be in touch"

"Don't go" repeated James

"You can't really expect me to stay. We're divorced"

"Please, don't leave me all alone"

"James, don't. You signed the papers. It... it's over"

"The baby"

"You'll get access, I won't deny you being a dad"

"What about a husband?"

"I'm sure you'll make some other woman, a good husband"

"I don't want to though"

"James, you've signed the papers'

"I know I'm sorry, please if I could take it back I would"

"You can't, congradulations you're free. Go and screw some whore, you don't have to feel guilty. You're young, free and single" then Lily turned to leave.

"NO!" shouted James jumping up and wrapping his arms around Lily's waist preventing her from walking away

"James, let go"

"No, please I'm sorry I thought we were getting on better. Please, I'm begging you, I'll get on my knees. You're my wife, we're having a baby." said James practically sobbing

"I've heard this before, and I'm not your wife"

"You are, you'll always be my wife, no matter what happpens, you'll always be my wife my only wife."

"You signed the papers"

"She made me"

"Who?"

"Your mother"

"Don't be ridiculous, she wouldn't"

"She would, she said you were going to jump and that I'd hurt you again, and the baby. She said you would kill our baby"

"James, I've heard all the excuses, you've run out. Now let me go"

"No..."

"Let go of me or I swear I'll scream the house down"

"Scream I'll never let go"

"Please, I'm not getting rid of the baby, ever. Just let go, I want to be alone"

"But..."

"Please, now I'm begging I just want to lie down and go to sleep and try to forget"

"Okay, but promise me, you won't ... that I..."

"I'm keeping the baby, I love my baby. I'll be in touch"

"Okay" said James numbly, he let go.

Lily picked up her bag and apparated to her mother's house.

-----------------

A/n - sorry i know it's been a while i wasn't allowed on the site for a week so i'm updating all my stories. Read my story BACK FOR it got deleted I had 106 reviews and they deleted it. It's a LJ as well

PS review this chappie as well


	9. Who's left

_LAST CHAPTER_

_"I'm keeping the baby, I love my baby. I'll be in touch"_

_"Okay" said James numbly, he let go._

_Lily picked up her bag and apparated to her mother's house._

**Who's left**

"Lily dear, how did you sleep?" asked Lily's mother the next morning.

"Fine," lied Lily. She hadn't slept at all, she couldn't stop thinking about what James had said about her mother.

_'She wouldn't, would she? I mean I know she can be underhanded and she's never made a secret of the fact that she hates James. How would he know I was going to jump'_

"Mum"

"Yes"

"Did you go and see James yesterday?"

"What are you talking about dear?"

_'She'll never admit to it, if I make out she forced him'_

"Oh nothing James just said you dropped by,"

"Well what's his word worth."

"Mum, I'm having his baby he's going to be in my life for the next 18 and a half years"

"That doesn't mean I have to like him"

"Mum were you with James yesterday, were you there when he signed the divorce papers?"

"Lily what is this about?"

"Just answer me"

"Yes, I went to see him to make sure he signed the divorce papers"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You seemed upset, I didn't see the point"

"You made my husband sign our divorce papers and you didn't see the point in telling me," raged Lily.

"I didn't make him do anything, he signed those papers all by himself, it's for your own good, he wasn't right for you. And as for the baby, are you sure you want to have it? I called Doctor Bobby and he said you'll be in and out in few hours and you can start over and leave everything behind you. A fresh start for you"

"You bitch, you stay the hell away from me and my baby. I don't want to see you ever again," said Lily close to tears, she ran out of the room and upstairs to collect her things.

-----------------------------------

LATER THAT DAY

"Lils, do you have the report Moody was looki…" said Sirius going into Lily's office and finding her gripping onto her desk to stand up, "What's the matter?"

"I don't know, I just stood up and felt dizzy," said Lily.

"Right, okay, don't panic, sit down," said Sirius who was panicking more than Lily was.

Lily sat back down.

"Now, what happened. Have you eaten? Did you stand up too fast? Are you under extreme stress?"

"What are you my healer?" joked Lily.

"I was reading one of your pregnancy magazines," said Sirius.

"So what's been up? James told me what happened,"

"Yeah"

"He's in a right state, he was still in bed when I went to check on him this morning, he didn't come into work. I really do think you two should sit down and talk, I mean there's going to be a baby here in 6 months, it's not fair on them or you"

"I know, but I have had to deal with so much since finding out I was pregnant, and then this morning…. Did you know my mother 'encouraged' James to sign the papers. Did you also know that I am so stupid I can't bring myself to sign the papers, so James thinks we're divorced but I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT," said Lily in tears again.

"Hey, shhh it's okay you don't have to cry,"

"That's all I seem to be doing."

"It alright, it'll all work out I promise, you and the baby will be fine"

"How can you know that? I was so happy when I found out I was having this baby, but now I've no' one left. James is gone, he signed the papers even if my mum was whispering in his ear, he still did it of his own free will, and because of that I don't even have my family. I have to do it all alone"

"No, no you don't, you'll always have James, he'll be there every step of the way for you both. And me I'll be there for you as well, and Remus, you still have us"


	10. Can you do someting for me?

Can you do something for me? 

"You sure you want to be here? You can stay with me, you don't have to come back here," said Sirius, he had just apparated Lily to her and James' house, (she couldn't apparate herself because she was pregnant).

"I'm sure, thank you," said Lily.

"Sirius is that you?" they heard James say from upstairs.

"Uh yeah…" said Sirius.

James appeared at the top of the stairs in a bathrobe, and soaking wet hair.

"Hi, wha… Lily hi,"

"Hi," said Lily.

"I… uh thought you were staying with your parents"

"I was but I'm uh… not now," said Lily not wanting to talk about it.

"I think I'll take off, I'll see you both later. Lily my offer still stands, okay?" said Sirius.

"Thanks, but I don't think I'll have to take you up on it," said Lily.

"Still, just call if you need me," said Sirius.

"Thanks"

"No problem, see ya," then Sirius apparated home.

"So…?"

"Is it alright if I stay here tonight?" asked Lily.

"Yeah, yeah of course you can, I told you this is your house. I'll move out."

"And I told you that wasn't necessary"

"Lil…"

"You were right about my mother, she booked an abortion for me yesterday…"

James' face lost all color, "But… you… you"

"No I told her to shove it and to stay away from me for good"

"Oh, are you alright?"

"Not really, no. I think I'll go and take a long bath and then just go to bed, okay?"

"Okay. Just shout if you need me"

"Thanks"

----- --------------------------------

Lily had been awake thinking for hours, she looked at the clock, it was almost 1am. She knew she should wait until the morning, but she finally knew what she had to do. She crept into James' room, she knelt down next to his bed.

"James," she whispered, gently shaking his shoulder, "James"

"Huh, what… Lily," he mumbled but as soon as he saw it was her, he shoot up, "Are you alright? Is it the baby?"

"No, calm down, we're both fine"

"Then what is it?"

"Can you do something for me?"

"Anything, what is it?"

"Can you take Peter's pensieve for me, without him knowing?"

"What? Lily, what are you talking about? Why do you want me to take one of my best mate's personal item?"

"You know as well as I do that Peter, puts all the memories he doesn't want people to know about in that thing"

"So? I don't see where you're going with this"

"He was there when I was attacked…"

"Not this again. You were frightened, you thought you saw him, but you didn't, he wouldn't do that, not to you, not to anyone."

"James I am sure I saw him, I think he did something else as well, I just need proof"

"Lily, it's your hormones, you must be tired…"

"James, please I'm not losing my mind. I just want to know if I did see that, I have to know. I know you don't understand but please, if you won't help me I'll do it myself"

"Alright, I'm sorry," sighed James, "Of course I'll get it for you"

"But you won't tell anyone, right?"

"I won't I promise"

"Thank you"

"James"

"Yeah"

"Can I stay in here with you?"

"Course you can, come on"

Lily climbed into bed with James and cuddled into him.

"James"

"Hmmm"

"When are you going to get it?"

"I'll go in the morning, okay?"

"Okay," said Lily disappointed, she didn't want to wait.

James held Lily, but for some reason he found he couldn't sleep. He was worried. Why would Lily be so sure that Peter had gone to the dark side? He knew better than to argue with her, she was sure that she wanted to see his pensieve, he knew she would whether he helped or not, at least this way he could stop her doing anything stupid or dangerous or both. On the other hand, he was invading one of his best friend's privacy. But if he had nothing to hide no harm would be done.

James looked down at Lily. He loved her so much. Maybe if he helped her, she would come back and he could look after her. She probably would never come back as his wife, but they could be friends and raise their baby.

Then he noticed Lily was wide-awake.

"Lily"

"I thought you were asleep," she said.

"You should be sleeping, you must be exhausted"

"I'm fine, I just can't sleep"

"Why?"

"Umm…."

"You want me to go to Peter's now, don't you?"

"Would you mind? Please"

"Lily I really don't think…"

"James, please you have no idea how much this will mean to me, please"

"Alright, okay. I'll go now," said James

He got up and put on some clothes, just as he had finished putting his shoes on, he stood up. Lily got up and went over to him, she pressed her lips to his and kissed him.

"Be careful," she whispered pulling away.

James was slightly dazed, he hadn't been expecting that. He's spent the day trying to accept the fact that he would never get his wife back. Now, all that was gone, all he could think about how good it felt to have her so close, he could smell her shampoo, he could see every detail of her face.

"Maybe it's too dangerous. I should just do it myself," Lily muttered to herself.

"No, if it is dangerous then it's all the more reason for me to go and you to stay here. Are you really sure about Peter?"

"I wouldn't ask you if I wasn't"

"I know. Okay, I'm going. I want you to stay here and not to worry, I won't be long, I know where he keeps it."

Lily threw her arms around his neck and hugged him as hard as she could.

"I mean it, don't do anything stupid, like getting yourself killed," she said.

'I know I'm doing this to be sure, but I think I already know I can trust him' 

"I'll be fine, I can handle Peter"

Lily kissed his cheek and then let go of him.

"I really appreciate you doing this for me, even if you do think I'm going loony," she said

"It's no problem really, I'm just glad you came to me. And I don't think you're going loony. I won't be long," said James then he apparated.


	11. The truth

_Last Chapter _

_"Can you take Peter's pensieve for me, without him knowing?" … _

_"It's no problem really, I'm just glad you came to me. And I don't think you're going loony. I won't be long," said James then he apparated._

**The truth**

"Did you get it?" asked Lily as soon as James apparated back.

"Yes, I got it," said James guiltily, he had just stolen from his friend.

"Okay, give it here"

"Wait, you're going into it?"

"Yeah, what did you think I was going to do?"

"I dunno, it's just if there is something. Are you sure you want to see?"

"I'm a big girl, James I can handle it."

"Alright, but I'm coming with you"

"James, it's more likely you'll find this harder to watch than I will"

"Probably, but I want to see it for myself," he said determinedly and Lily knew she wouldn't win.

"Okay"

------------------------------

FIRST MEMORY

It was the day James had kissed Louise. It was the morning, before it had happened, James was in his office with Peter.

"So, what's up? You don't usually come to the office," James said.

"Oh I uh just thought I'd spend some time with my mate," said Peter nervously.

"Well I can't really right now, I've got a mountain of paperwork, but why don't you come round tonight," said James.

"Uh yeah I might do that," said Peter.

"Great, but really mate I do have to get on," said James picking up his quill.

As soon as James lowered his head to write, Peter took his wand out, and muttered, "Imperio"

Then James' eyes glazed over.

"James," present Lily whispered to present James who was watching in horror, "I don't think we have to watch what happens next"

"That's why. That's why I couldn't remember how or why I was…"

"Yeah that's why. Come on there's more"

--------------

SECOND MEMORY 

It was the night Lily was attacked. She was surrounded by deatheaters. She noticed James was gripping onto her shoulder.

"What do you want?" asked Lily her voice shaking in terror.

"Well, what do you think we want?" said one of the deatheaters from behind their masks.

"You can't have my baby I won't let you"

"You don't have a choice, we always get what we want, although Potter's baby that would be fun" said one of other deatheaters, James instantly recognized the voice and muttered,

"Bastard"

"Peter, you're a deatheater," gasped the memory Lily.

"That's right Lily," said a deatheater that Lily recognizes as Lucius Malfoy.

"Malfoy, I'm not even surprised," said Lily venomously.

Malfoy took a step towards Lily, she automatically took a step backwards, walking into another deatheater, she was surrounded.

James took his hand off her shoulder and took her hand and put his other arm round her. He knew it was a memory, but it still didn't stop him from wanting to protect Lily.

"STAY AWAY. YOU CAN'T HAVE MY BABY" screamed Lily

"We can have anything we want. You, in fact, you've kept your looks quite well," said Malfoy running his cold pale finger down her cheek.

James held on to Lily even harder.

Lily flinched at Malfoy's touch, "Stay the hell away from me. I wouldn't go near you if you were the last piece of scum on earth" spat Lily.

"Oh isn't that sweet, still loyal to Potter even after..."

"How do you know about that?" interupted Lily.

"It was very amusing to see you break down like and Potter I've never liked him" said Malfoy viciously.

"It was easy placing James under the Imperial curse, oh he fought it for about half an hour, but eventually I got the better of him." bragged Peter.

"Although you ruined out fun, you weren't supposed to walk in until they started screwing, that would have been much more amusing" said Malfoy.

"You bastards" whispered Lily.

"Alright enough, kill the mudblood, the Aurors will be on their way," ordered Rookwood.

"So sorry to have to cut this reunion short Evans, I was hoping to have some more fun with you, but oh well" said Malfoy then he raised his wand, "Avada Kevadra"

Lily saw a flash of green light, she was frozen in terror. Then suddenly a blue forcefield emitted from her stomach, sheilding her from the curse. She was thrown off her feet onto her back, just then the Auror's arrived, shooting curses and Lily blacked out.

Seeing this James just looked down at Lily in amazement, how could he not have known about all of this? How could he have left her to deal with this?


	12. I'm sorry

**I'm Sorry**

James and Lily came out of the Pensieve.

"You, uh better take it back," said Lily.

"Later, I…uh," said James.

"I'm tired, we should get some sleep," said Lily going up the stairs.

James followed Lily upstairs still in a daze and found that she was already asleep, it looked like she hadn't slept properly in weeks. He lay down beside her, but he couldn't sleep.

A few hours later, James got up. He had been going through everything in his mind, and he knew what he had to do. He left Lily, who was still asleep and went downstairs. He sent a letter to Sirius came over as soon as he got the letter.

"What is it? The note said to come over right away. Is everything alright? It's not the baby is it?" asked Sirius who was now officially panicking.

"The baby is fine"

"Where's Lily?"

"She's asleep upstairs"

"So what am I doing here?"

"She was right…."

"Who"

"Lily she…"

"About what?"

"Will you stop interrupting?"

"Sorry, continue"

"Do you remember the night she was attacked, she told me she thought she saw Peter?"

"Yeah, but we told her there is no way Peter would be involved"

"He is," said James seriously.

"What? No, you can't be serious"

"I am. Last night… well early this morning…"

"Prongs it's 8:30am it's still early"

"Earlier. She asked me to do something for her. She wanted me to take Peter pensieve…"

"What? Why?"

"She said she wanted to be sure it either was or wasn't him. We both know that Peter puts all his memories he doesn't want everyone to know about in there. At first I just thought it was hormonal ramblings, but she started to get really worked up, so I thought, why not, Peter will never know I'll take it and put it back before he notices and if he has nothing to hide it won't matter but it least it would calm Lily down."

"So… you took it"

"Yeah and she was right. Peter is a deatheater and he tried to kill my wife and baby"

"Prongs, this can't be right, he wouldn't hurt people certainly not Lily"

"He wasn't the one firing the curses, but he stood there and watched as Malfoy hit a killing curse off her"

"A killing curse? That's not possible"

"I know but it happened, he did it, the green light came but something happened I didn't get a good look but something weird went on and she wasn't killed thank god."

"Shit, fuck I mean whoa. What?"

"Yeah do that for another 4 hours and you'll pretty much be where I am now"

"I just… We never even suspected, this is unbelievable."

"I saw it with my own eyes"

"Oh I know you're not lying but still…"

"That's not all"

"There's more?"

"He put me under the Imperial curse, the day Lily left"

"Are you serious? Or is this just a way to…"

"I saw it, so did Lily"

"Oh so you think…"

"I don't know"

"So what are we going to do?"

"I think we should pay Wormtail a little visit,"

"Okay," said Sirius who was still in shock.

AN HOUR LATER

James apparated into the room Lily was sleeping in. She was still asleep. He and Sirius had just had it out with Peter, he had confessed to everything, with a little gentle persuasion. Now he was down at the Ministry with Sirius about to be charged.

"We got him, he won't hurt you again," James whispered to Lily then he kissed the top of her head.

Lily's eyes started to flutter as she woke up.

"James," she mumbled.

"It's alright I'm here,"

Then at the same time they both blurted out "I'm Sorry"

"What are you sorry for?" asked Lily

"Plenty, what are you sorry for you didn't do anything?"


	13. What are you sorry for?

Last Chapter 

_Then at the same time they both blurted out "I'm Sorry"_

"_What are you sorry for?" asked Lily _

"Plenty, what are you sorry for you didn't do anything?" 

**What are you sorry for?**

"You're bleeding," said Lily

"What?" asked James confused that was the last thing he was expecting to hear, weren't they supposed to have a long talk about their relationship and their baby and the future and stuff.

"Your face, what happened?" she said sitting up and touched his face where there was a cut.

"Oh uh…"

"You went to see Peter," it wasn't a question, it was just a statement.

"Yeah"

"And…"

"He's down at booking with Sirius, with a one way ticket to Azkaban"

"Well, I guess I better get that cleaned up in case it gets infected," said Lily getting up and going into the bathroom.

She came back in with a first aid kit, and started to clean the cut on James' face.

"So…" he said.

"What?"

"You didn't tell me what you were sorry for"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"No, if anything I should be apologizing to you, I brought Peter into your life. If it wasn't for me, none of this would have happened to you. I should have fought the curse off, I shouldn't have given in, I deserve everything I get"

"No you have done nothing wrong. This is all my fault I just assumed you were cheating on me of your own free will, I should have trusted you, I should have known…"

"No I should have fought harder"

"How could you? No' one can fight that off"

"I could have tried"

"James look at me, this wasn't your fault how could you have known. I knew, you saw the memory I could have told you then but I didn't. I kept all this from you and I'm sorry"

"You're pregnant, you've been going through so much"

"Being pregnant isn't an excuse I should have come and talked to you about it"

"Lily, I don't care well of course I do care, but I just want you to be happy," said James.

"Will you stop? I've been a complete bitch to you. You never did anything wrong and I… I didn't even come to you about the baby…"

"The baby… what about the baby?"

"You saw what happened, I shouldn't have survived that, I still don't know what the hell that was," said Lily.

"Stop, none of this is your fault"

"I could've done more. I've caused us both unnecessary hurt and pain. I hated myself so much for loving you, because I wanted to put you out of my mind but…" said Lily who was now breaking down.

"Don't, stop it please," said James hugging Lily

"I'm sorry it's just… I spent so long preparing myself… and the all the time you were who I thought you were all the time, but now I've ruined everything"

"No, stop it, you're getting yourself into a state over nothing," said James pulling away and looking Lily straight in the eye, "We'll go to the healer this afternoon and find out what happened the night you were attacked"

"Okay, but what about everything else?" asked Lily, looking to James to make everything better.

"Everything will be fine, I promise"

"What about…"

"And if you want me to, I'll go down to the Ministry right now and do everything I can to stop the divorce going through, if you want me to that is,"

"No," said Lily shaking her head.

'_She's still not going to come back, she really doesn't want me anymore'_ thought James heartbroken.

Seeing the look on his face, Lily realized what he was thinking.

"It's not why you think. Its… there's no divorce to stop going through," she said.

"What are you talking about? I signed the papers…"

"But I didn't"

"What of course you did, you signed weeks ago"

"No I didn't, my priority then was just to get you to sign, but then when you did sign, I didn't want you to and I couldn't sign…"

"But you said…"

"I know, I didn't want you to know how much I still loved you, to the point where I couldn't even sign a few papers"

"You still love me?"

Lily threw her arms around James' neck and hugged, "Yes, I never stopped, I was just hoping it would go away"

James wrapped his arms around Lily, who was crying again.

"Shhh it's alright, you don't have to cry,"

"I'm sorry I can't even control it, I'm just crying all the time,"

"It's alright, I've told you stop apologizing you nothing to be sorry for," said James pulling away and gently wiping Lily's tears away with his thumb, "I love you, you know that. I've barely survived these past few weeks without you…"

James was cut off by Lily pressing her lips to his.

"I want to be your wife again if you'll let me, and…"

"Let you I was about to get on my knees and beg you to come back… again"

"Are you sure? I'd understand if you… after all I've…"

"I have been dying for you to come back ever since you left, and I told you you've done nothing wrong," said James pulling Lily back into his arms, "I love you so much, I swear I'll never give you a reason to leave again"

"I won't ever, I won't ever give you a reason to doubt how much I love you," said Lily clinging onto him.

"We'll be better this time, I promise just you, me and our baby," said James pulling Lily as close to him as he could, never wanting to let go of her.


End file.
